The problems of being too attractive


In a deeply conservative, highly competitive and emotionally hungry society, to find people who will genuinely love you and want the best for you is something very rare.

All relationships are based on some form of exchange whether it be of emotional or material value. When this exchange becomes unbalanced, the relationship looses its zeal, as one partner may feel he/she is investing too much for what he/she is getting in return.

As an attractive person, people buzz around you, not only because you are a pleasure to the eyes, but your charm, humor and intellect sustains and grows their interest. To be the center of attention, praise and talk may be flattering, but the dangers are multiple and have far worse consequences.

As much as there may be some underlying narcissism colouring the experience of attractive people, the challenges analysed here are deeply felt realities that often leave them ill-fated.

Muddled identity

First, you will never be free to be yourself, for your identity will be tethered to all forms of external validation. People and situations will define who you are- pretty, intelligent, charming, funny, sexy, etc. You loose your freedom to be who you want to be, boring, weak, tired or quiet and your social presence will be marked by a pressure to fit into the identity people have defined for you. Your existence will be marked by the pressure to ensure people stay pleased with you. Because once you stop being who they want you to be, you have no more value to them.

Not free to love genuinely

A second danger is related to attractive people who are genuinely compassionate and empathetic individuals. It has been my personal observation that compassion coming from an attractive person is often mistaken to be romantic interest while when the same comes from an otherwise unattractive person, it will not be misunderstood as such. It has often made be question whether misunderstanding is intentional. Thus, as much unadulterated love I may harbor in my heart for my amazing exes, male friends and colleagues, I would rather not express it, as there is every possibility that they will intentionally misunderstand it and jeopardize the relationship.

Lost friendships

As much as one may attempt to draw healthy boundaries in any relationship, for an attractive person, these boundaries are harder to maintain. This is mostly true for friendships between opposite sexes, when the interest for one party has grown disproportionately in comparison to the interest of the other party (often the attractive party). Often, out of sympathy, pity or respect, the party who has not yet become as attached has to honor the expectations of the other party, but not because they want to. In such cases, honesty seems hurtful and could also mean loosing a good friendship and friendly emotional support. Hence, sometimes these relationships are left in a limbo, where silence takes over and the friendship is allowed to gradually die off.

We often compartmentalise who we are based on what label or identity at what given situation will help us gain more social recognition. This distracts us from looking inwards to recognise who we truly are in disregard of what others expect and want us to be. However grim the situation may seem, to recognise and accept how our personalities, status, material wealth, physical beauty, or whatever ego validation affects our social positioning is the first step to gaining freedom from the opinion of others.

This article has been taken from the blog post of the writer

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